Who’s Your Valentine?

Ah…Valentine’s Day… the red and white, lace-edged, chocolate-covered day dedicated to love…  What a great opportunity to remind our loved ones just how much we care. I wonder, though, if we are somehow missing our most important Valentine of all, the one we see in the mirror.

Can we really love another if we don’t love ourselves? Can we give to others what we don’t really possess? I think most of us know how to express appreciation and affection to our loved ones, but what about ourselves? We try so hard to be loving to others, is it selfish to consider ourselves important too? I think it’s just the opposite of selfish. By caring for ourselves, we cultivate a healthy partner that has that much more to offer to our relationships. Let’s not lose sight of that.

If you’ve been paying attention to the retail advertisements over the past month, there should be no shortage of ideas of ways to say “I love you” to your sweetie… or yourself.

Chocolate – Who doesn’t enjoy this smooth, sweet, decadent treat?  When was the last time you got yourself a little treat? It doesn’t have to be chocolate, although some high cacao, dark chocolate can certainly be a healthy indulgence.  How about treating yourself to something else that feels luxurious like a manicure or massage?  Doesn’t that sound nice?  Go for it!

Flowers – Nature provides so many sources of beauty. Are you noticing? Everybody needs a little daily beauty in their lives. Don’t ever forget to stop, look around and enjoy. Life is too short to miss out on all that’s around us. Keeping your nose to the grindstone will only cause you to miss the magic. Don’t forget to look up!

Love notes – Words of appreciation are one of the most important ways we love others. Have you ever listened to the words you use when you’re talking to yourself? Are you kind and encouraging like you’d be to your child or your honey? Or are you accusing and judgmental? Even if there are things you’d like to change about yourself, I love what Brene Brown says.  “You can’t shame someone into changing.” The same goes for ourselves. Negative self-talk only diminishes us. We need to build ourselves up in order to create the confidence we need for change. You got this!

Silver and Gold – These things are valuable and are chosen to show someone how much they mean to us. Again, don’t forget to devote some of your resources to investing in yourself. You are indeed worth it.

So this Valentine’s Day, spread the love around.  And… don’t forget your most important Valentines, “me”, “myself” and “I”.

Keeping my finger off the button

Photo credit:  123rf

Like many of us, I started 2016 with some fresh intentions. I’m not calling them resolutions or even goals because, for me, they seem more pervasive than that. My intentions represent the way I want to approach my life, some tweaks to my existence that will energize me and enhance my happiness.

Paramount among my intentions for 2016 is gratitude. I’ve been too easily drawn into anxiety and scarcity thinking and I know that the best road out of that is to practice gratitude. I am surrounded by so many blessings and I’ve begun some specific practices to help me remember that. I begin my day with a gratitude devotional and end each day with a short journaling exercise describing at least one thing I’m particularly thankful for on that day.

I’ve been reading Joyce Meyers’, The Power of Being Thankful for my morning devotional. Today’s passage dealt with trust. Trust in God. Trust that He is in charge of our future. Joyce writes, “God cares for us; He will solve our problems and meet our needs, and thankfully we can stop thinking and worrying about them”.  We can stop. That’s when it hit me. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve been worrying about the future because it isn’t clear to me. I’ve had my finger on the fast forward button, trying to predict the future when in reality that’s impossible. Nobody can predict the future; only God can do that.

A friend pointed out a common definition of fear – False Expectations Appearing Real. Fear and anxiety are often caused by having an expectation of something bad or scary to happen in the future.  Why do we do that? Why not expect something awesome? Another friend posted this quote from Grey’s Anatomy on Facebook today. I love Shonda Rimes’ shows and her characters often have wisdom to share.

Photo credit: Deanna Zost

That’s it, we have a choice! We can choose to assume the worst and be fearful or we can choose to trust that God has it all figured out and our future will brilliant. Today I choose to assume the best, take my finger off that fast forward button, take a deep breath and live in the present.

I’m curious, what do you do to ground yourself in the present and keep your finger off the fast forward button? I’d welcome your thoughts in the comments.

Souvenirs of my blessed life

Decorating for the holidays stretched over a couple of weeks this year. The first things up were the decorations that would be visible from the outside. Lighted trees, reindeer, garland and a wreath on the door all announced to the outside world that we were ready to celebrate the Christmas season. It took me a bit longer to get the Christmas tree up. I insist on a natural tree, so I had to wait until my son was with me to go buy the tree and get it into the stand. That’s just not a job for one person.

Putting the lights and ornaments on the tree is a more private endeavor. This year, in particular, I didn’t have any big plans for entertaining. The Christmas tree would primarily be enjoyed by me, my sons and our closest friends. To say that I love my Christmas ornament collection is an understatement. No designer or themed trees for me. My Christmas tree each year is adorned by carefully preserved memories.

Like many parents, my mom and dad got a special ornament each year for my sister and I. These are some of my most precious decorations and they get hung as high as possible on the tree. I simply can’t take the risk of a rambunctious puppy or toddler either chewing or breaking one of these. When I visit my sister over the holidays, it’s always a heartwarming moment when I can pick out the ornaments on her tree that correspond to mine. They are souvenirs of our shared history. Invaluable.

Carrying on the tradition, I’ve been buying special ornaments for my sons. Since they are still living with me, these grace the family tree. It will be a milestone moment when one of them has their own tree in their own home and I can pass them along. It makes me tear up even thinking about it, but I know that I’m giving them a precious gift. You can’t put a price on the souvenirs of one’s childhood.

I also like to pick up special ornaments when I vacation or travel to a new place. I have sandcastles from the Outer Banks, Mickey Mouse ornaments from Disney World and this year’s addition was a painted sand dollar from Bethany Beach. It’s fun to revisit each of those places in my mind when hanging the trinket on the tree.

The holidays have come and gone now and I’ve packed away my decorations and stored them in the attic. But I’ve decided to keep my tree up just a little longer. I want a few more days to enjoy it and all the souvenirs of my very blessed life.

Dear Blog, I’ve Missed You

I started this blog a year and a half ago to chronicle my journey back to myself after a major life change, namely a divorce. I started writing for myself; it was therapeutic and a chance to develop some muscles I hadn’t really used before. Through the blogging I proved to myself that I am, indeed, a writer.  And a writer’s gotta write. Some of my posts were pretty safe, observations about nature or human nature with which few people could take exception. Others were more scary, sharing some more vulnerable parts of myself seemed much more risky. What I found, however, was that the vulnerable pieces seemed to resonate more with my readers. People started commenting and sharing their own stories. Just like Brene Brown writes, vulnerability creates connection. That doesn’t make it any less scary, though.

I’m still learning about boundaries. Some things are shareable and maybe some things are not. I pray I learn that difference but I can’t let that risk stop me from writing. I find it therapeutic and I know others do too. What’s a writer to do? I don’t think hiding is the answer. My story is my story. People can choose whether or not to read. For now I think my clearest test is this:  is it true, kind or necessary?

So, dear readers I’m back. I plan to write as the spirit moves me and intend to share those things I think others would find useful and not share those things I choose to keep private. If they are useful to you, I thank you for allowing me to share my story with you and I invite you to share your own in the comments.

Here’s to healthy and joyful 2016!  Namaste.

Strike a Match

New Year’s Eve is a unique and mystical opportunity to turn the page on our lives. This night we can make a deliberate choice to release the things and thought patterns that no longer serve us. We can strike a match and quite literally burn them like I did last night. What remnants of 2015 did you release? Here are the things I chose to burn:

1. Worrying about what others think
2. Scarcity thinking
3. Fear

At 12:01, we are presented with a blank page, a new year full of optimism and promise. We can choose to cultivate the thoughts and actions that will allow us to achieve our goals. These are the things I’m focused on growing in the new year. What are you going to cultivate?

1. Gratitude
2. Joy
3. Love
4. Professional Development

Happy New Year my friends.  May we all find the health and happiness we seek in 2016.

Opportunities to Grow

I would imagine that it’s not always easy for that new butterfly to break out of the cocoon. Growth often requires struggle. To say that the past few years have been a struggle is an understatement. That said, it’s often more easy to focus on the struggle than on the progress. I HAVE grown a lot and need to remember that looking back to see how far I’ve come is a good exercise.

Over the past few months, I’ve had many opportunities to test out my wings. I’ve been involved in executive level presentations, spoken at industry conferences and stretched myself as a leader in ways I hadn’t yet imagined. In some of those situations I had time to plan and prepare to be at my best. Other times I had to simply jump in and swim. That’s where the pleasant surprise showed up. I am, after all, much more competent and confident than I give myself credit for sometimes.

The lesson here is that we learn and grow the most when we get outside our comfort zone. We just have to have the courage and faith in ourselves to take the first step. If we do, we may just surprise ourselves at how quickly we can adapt.

I love these lyrics from Fly by Maddie and Tae.  So encouraging! What are you putting off?  Is it time to stretch yourself and fly?

Keep on climbing, though the ground might shake
Just keep on reaching though the limb might break
We’ve come this far, don’t you be scared now
‘Cause you can learn to fly on the way down

Getting My Head Back in the Game

Vince Lombardi famously said “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up”. While, he was most likely talking to a group of professional football players, this quote resonates with me too. It’s about resilience. It’s about getting back on track when life inevitably derails us.

I’ve been struggling, of late, with getting my wellness  journey back on track. I was chugging right along, attending jazzercise classes and cooking healthy meals at home. I felt good and was starting to feel a little more room in my waistbands. Then, as always happens, life threw me a couple of curveballs. First, lacrosse season started. This, of course, was not a surprise, but I had forgotten just how time consuming it is to be a sports mom with practices and games most nights after school. Then, I got sick. A week spent in bed, with a cough and fever, got me out of my fitness groove. The perfectionism gremlins started whispering in my ear. Normal daily stress started to get to me more and more. I was having trouble sleeping, felt tired all the time and just didn’t feel like making the effort to shop and cook a healthy meal or go to my exercise class.

For me, self-care starts with the body part between my ears. If I’m not managing stress effectively, everything else goes south in a handbasket. So, I set the intention to take a head-first approach to getting back on track. Once my head was back in the game, I was confident that my body would follow.

Here are a couple of the most important steps I’ve taken to get back in gear:

1.  I revisited my meditation practice. In the past I’ve found this to be a very helpful way of quieting my gremlins and gaining the ability to be present in the here and now. A consistent meditation practice had seen me through some very difficult times in my life, but somehow I had let it slip. I’ve really enjoyed getting back into the morning habit of meditating for a few minutes immediately after I wake. I really believe it prepares me to more effectively manage the stressors of my day. Check out Calm.com for a really handy smartphone app and 7 day introduction to mindfulness.

2.  Practice gratitude for my current body as it is right now.  So many of us fall into the trap of waiting to feel comfortable in our skin until we lose that 5-10 pounds or whatever. That mindset is so not helpful and actually sabotages our efforts toward healthy living. As my hero Brene Brown says ” you can’t shame someone into changing”. That holds true for ourselves. We are much more likely to have success in changing habits if we encourage rather than berate ourselves. Enjoy life. Feel grateful to your body for all the amazing things that it can do. Then, take good care of that body.

3.  I’m choosing to exercise my brain as well as my body. I’ve been fascinated lately with the concept of mental fitness. Middle-aged woman that I am, I’ve experienced that familiar and frustrating mental fog that results from the lethal combination of busyness, stress and hormones. My company recently subscribed to a new service to help keep our employees mentally sharp. It’s called Blue Ocean Brain and is a fun way to start each workday with a little mental fitness. Check it out!

4. Choosing to “Just Do It”. For me the hardest part is just starting. The first step out the door is the hardest, the first yoga video played and the first dumbbell lifted. Setting stretch goals does not work for me. The perfection gremlins get in the way. A kindler, gentler approach to simply choosing to move my body more is the key to success for me. Once I’m in motion, momentum takes over and soon a habit is reformed. One step at a time.

 

 

 

Waking to Nature’s Alarm Clock

I woke this morning to the birds… more accurately to my dogs barking at the birds. It was early, not too early, but earlier than I might have normally risen on a Saturday. If I had to set my alarm for that time on a Saturday, I might’ve been grumpy about giving up my chance to sleep in on the weekend. But, here’s the difference… I CHOSE to get up. I had things I WANTED to do and I’d rather get up and do them then spend my time in bed.

What if I consciously CHOSE how I wake up every day? What if instead of feeling a little grumpy when the alarm goes off so I can start my day with all my obligations, the things I HAVE to do, I simply change the way I frame it? What if I simply think of that alarm clock as my chance to start the things I CHOOSE to do? Because we really do have a choice, don’t we?

Thanks for the reminder birds…. and dogs.

Image Source

Fresh Re-Start

I got some new flowers for my table today. I changed the sheets on my bed and vacuumed the floors. After being down with a nasty virus for several days, it’s time to hit the reset button.

Maybe it’s because I had the necessity and luxury of quiet, alone time while I recovered, but I’ve started to re-evaluate some of my habits. This might even a good exercise to do annually. Spring time seems like the perfect time.

Habits are curious things. They allow us to put some of the things we do repeatedly into an autopilot mode. That can be helpful, freeing our higher brain functions for more important things. The risk, though, is simply accepting that our auto piloted choices continue to be the best for us over time.

Intention is the active form of choosing what we do. It’s deciding what we do rather than accepting the mindless routines as optimal. A good business friend wrote this article applying these thoughts to the way we grow our businesses. I think the same can be said about many of the things we do repeatedly. For me, it’s time to do some spring cleaning and intentionally choose the habits that serve me best.

A Timely Reminder

I’ve been slacking on my self-care lately and my body sent me a loud protest along with a timely reminder. I just came down with a nasty cold and after a little reflection, it’s pretty clear to me why. While it’s true that I’ve been surrounded by sick people at my office and beyond, my immune system can often fight those things off. But recently, I’ve allowed stress and busyness to weaken my defenses.

For me, the root of everything is managing stress. When I don’t do that effectively, my healthy resolve can easily be derailed. I tell myself I’m too busy to exercise or meditate. Then, caffeine and sugar start to creep into my diet. I’m not getting restful sleep and voila the damage is done. My defenses are down and the viruses swirling around me find a susceptible host.

So, I’m stuck taking care of myself this weekend, whether I like it or not. OK body, I get the message. I need to do better. Challenge accepted.